I miss a friend. Don't get me wrong. I have lots of friends. Too many, I think at times. None, I think at other instances.
There's the school folks who've seen me as a carefree guy and who were probably too young to remember me by anything other than silly childish antics.
Then there is the gang of people from my second school. I term them people because, no offence if any of you from that bunch is reading this, I really don't consider them my friends. Those two years at KV was my time of introspection. The self-realisation period. The shocks, thrills, scenes and memories are few from that time. With others that is. Within myself, those were the years when I spent time alone at home sitting in a dark room listening to music till my mom called me for dinner. School, music, little sleep, school. Towards the end of that time, before college started, my fantastic fetish for movies began.
College was an entirely different period. Time of silence and loneliness interspersed by moments of joy in abundance. A time when I realised for a fact the kind of person I was, thanks to a special someone and no thanks to the rest. There was a gang of cronies, friends, accomplices, partners, mates, companions, strangers, buddies, pals, call them what you will. My refusal played a role too. Friends they were, some of them still are.
Then came one of the best years in this life. TSJ. Not because of the people. Well, that would be blatant lying. It was all because of the people. The ugly egotistic mind bogglingly stupid idiots, the lovely buddies, the amazing philosophers, the oft quarrelling, the stoners, the drunkards, the smokers, the sensitive asses, the pathetic losers, the corner addicts, the pseudo friends, the mask possessors, the riddlers, the jokers, the unknown citizens, the mystical beings, the layered, the cold.
Unfortunately, or so I think, there's no one for me who's seen me through all of the above put together. Nobody who is common to all. Nobody who has endured my monumentally daft antics, my moments of pronounced joy, my depression cycles, my self-destruction phase, my suicidal segment, my outreaching efforts, my attempts at deliberate socialising and much more.
It's becomingly increasingly clear to me that nobody can. Nobody who has even an iota of consciousness would. Nobody with enough common sense to scratch when a mosquito bites could.
Bluntly, nobody should.