There are times when I wonder What exactly is it that I am doing.
Here's the Problem. I need people to survive. It is the conversations I have with them that keeps me sane and calm enough to live. Goofy, serious, philosophical, twisty, perverted, funny, mokkaish, depressing, bitching, pick me up sorts, whining, listening.. Every conversation that I have, however random, however short, definitely holds meaning to me. I cherish them and I look back at them at the slightest of the opportunities.
There are times when I wonder Why exactly is it that I am doing what I am doing.
I lie down and I listen to music. There are some songs that catch my attention effortlessly, while there are others that just pass by my ears. But then, there are those special songs that Make me listen to it, the lyrics, the instruments, the layers of music. There are times when I lose myself in the most familiar of tracks, discovering a new instrument being played at the background that adds SO much more meaning to the song!
There are times when I wonder How exaclty is it that I am doing what I am doing.
Some things were extremely hard to do when I was young. Why is it that some of them are hard even now? Have I not grown in confidence? Was I stupid enough to take on those things that early that they've left a permanent scar on me? How do I overcome this? Should I overcome this? Am I happy not actually doing them? Am I afraid of facing failure? Am I too idiotic for success?
Thursday, 23 April 2009
Sunday, 12 April 2009
Chapter 5 - The Last Day
Apparently, yesterday was the last day of my UG, I've got only those wretched exams left and then I will be outta those strangely-bathroomly-tiled walls, those dingy, unfriendly classrooms and that crappy excuse for a campus once and for all.
And fittingly, I spent the day bunking classes, wandering outside during class hours and "listening" in class. Went in pretty late thanks to imbecile bro telling me that he needs the bike, 15 mins before I was going to leave, had to rush to get a bus and ended up being 20 mins late to college. Like anybody cares! Boxer (Rape- The man's got THE widest collection of White shirts!) was in class and he waved me in without as much as a glance even though I missed half of the class. He sat around, talking in whispers to his minions in the front rows as I joined Rape and Addy at the last bench. 10 minutes after I parked myself, I realized the effects of my bro taking away the bike! I had promised this friend of mine who was leaving town that I'd see her before she leaves and without the bike, it was gonna be slighta difficult. Rape's lesser known brilliance kicked in and by the end of the hour, I was on addy's bike with a stolen helmet which, oddly, didn't let my glasses fit in!
As I was careful not to cross 50 on the bike, I was wondering what the helmet's owner would be thinking, till a small stone hit me rectangle on the nose, yes, the helmet lacked a Visor. The send-off was shorter than I expected it to be, so I biked back to college, 1/3 of my face layered with dust and what not, while the remaining was stuffed inside the tight helmet, behind layers of black fabric. Rape had escaped and it was Addy and Me in the last row, all alone, trying to move the bench forwards and backwards using nothing but our pinky fingers. We suddenly started reminiscing, about the out-of-place gang of friends, 8 in number, cramped into the last benches from day 1. How we started talking to each other, how we spent countless hours bunking, how we lazed off even more hours at juice shop/bajji kadai, how we lied at home to stay at a friend's place in the night and how Golti J's addiction to beer was disturbing!
Rape A.k.A Rakesh Ramani - Best friend of the lot, partner in graffiti art on table and how can i forget his women-repelling powers? Dumb C Teamie.
Golti J A.k.A Jagan Passapalatte ( I kid you not!) - Clown, Bangalore addict and the child. Dumb C Teamie.
Beer Belly A.k.A Chandramouli P.S - Exaggeratus maximus, aspiring theatre artist and Brand whore!
Maanamkettavan A.k.A Arvind Sairam - The great man who cleared 16 arrears in a single sitting, Clown II, man with strangely addictive hand gimmicks.
Golti A A.k.A Aditya Kouda - Guitarist, the ego guy and the man who's had 3 different hairstyles throughout college!
Barath A.k.A Barath - The guy in the long term relationship, Rich kid and abnormally tempered.
Proxy A.k.A Haribaskar - Proxy man, Good guy while entering college, transformed into more than just a metal head by Golti A.
Srivatsan A.k.A Srivatsan Hari - Nerd, Computer Guy and the dude who earns in $.
I'm gonna miss these guys a lot, the rest, not so much. Had these guys not been there for me, preventing me from turning into one of those stereotypical Vivekananda College Boys, I would've been one huge ass! (Bigger than now)
So thank you men, it was an honour bunking classes and eating food at strange hours with you. There are certain things that are unmentionable here that I am thankful for too, you know what I mean.
But frankly, the only good thing about my college was how they let me participate in all those Culturals all through the 3 years. If not for that, I would've stayed in college more and probably been semi-transformed. I've met tons of people at these culturals and they are a good gang of folks who deserve more than just a mention, will write on them laters. The Cherry on my 3 years of labour was Grandslam '09. I still can't figure out how we managed to conduct a small but cash-rich culturals in just 12 days! True Story!! Thanks to every one of those volunteers, fellow organisers and just everybody who were a part of it, you just gave some purpose to the 3 years that I spent in the rotten hell hole.
If I've not killed myself by now, you know it's because of those fellow last benchers. I've received nothing from the college, absolutely nothing. Insipid professors who scold me in front of a packed crowd for not creating a scene, the folks from the other depts who were banging their heads trying to figure out stuff that are beyond their comprehension, those 4 fat guys who spent every single day inside the BBA dept looking at MTV Roadies on the free internet with the HOD sitting next to them asking them to click on the girl's face!
I am definitely going to miss my last bench mates and I'm hoping I can say the same things, if not better, about the next set of people I am going to meet in my life's next chapter. Which may be either a Year at a Mass Communication college outside city or 3 years at Ford.
I raise a toast, to my co-conspirators, for good times gentlemen, good times... You've made these 3 years less of a struggle..
And fittingly, I spent the day bunking classes, wandering outside during class hours and "listening" in class. Went in pretty late thanks to imbecile bro telling me that he needs the bike, 15 mins before I was going to leave, had to rush to get a bus and ended up being 20 mins late to college. Like anybody cares! Boxer (Rape- The man's got THE widest collection of White shirts!) was in class and he waved me in without as much as a glance even though I missed half of the class. He sat around, talking in whispers to his minions in the front rows as I joined Rape and Addy at the last bench. 10 minutes after I parked myself, I realized the effects of my bro taking away the bike! I had promised this friend of mine who was leaving town that I'd see her before she leaves and without the bike, it was gonna be slighta difficult. Rape's lesser known brilliance kicked in and by the end of the hour, I was on addy's bike with a stolen helmet which, oddly, didn't let my glasses fit in!
As I was careful not to cross 50 on the bike, I was wondering what the helmet's owner would be thinking, till a small stone hit me rectangle on the nose, yes, the helmet lacked a Visor. The send-off was shorter than I expected it to be, so I biked back to college, 1/3 of my face layered with dust and what not, while the remaining was stuffed inside the tight helmet, behind layers of black fabric. Rape had escaped and it was Addy and Me in the last row, all alone, trying to move the bench forwards and backwards using nothing but our pinky fingers. We suddenly started reminiscing, about the out-of-place gang of friends, 8 in number, cramped into the last benches from day 1. How we started talking to each other, how we spent countless hours bunking, how we lazed off even more hours at juice shop/bajji kadai, how we lied at home to stay at a friend's place in the night and how Golti J's addiction to beer was disturbing!
Rape A.k.A Rakesh Ramani - Best friend of the lot, partner in graffiti art on table and how can i forget his women-repelling powers? Dumb C Teamie.
Golti J A.k.A Jagan Passapalatte ( I kid you not!) - Clown, Bangalore addict and the child. Dumb C Teamie.
Beer Belly A.k.A Chandramouli P.S - Exaggeratus maximus, aspiring theatre artist and Brand whore!
Maanamkettavan A.k.A Arvind Sairam - The great man who cleared 16 arrears in a single sitting, Clown II, man with strangely addictive hand gimmicks.
Golti A A.k.A Aditya Kouda - Guitarist, the ego guy and the man who's had 3 different hairstyles throughout college!
Barath A.k.A Barath - The guy in the long term relationship, Rich kid and abnormally tempered.
Proxy A.k.A Haribaskar - Proxy man, Good guy while entering college, transformed into more than just a metal head by Golti A.
Srivatsan A.k.A Srivatsan Hari - Nerd, Computer Guy and the dude who earns in $.
I'm gonna miss these guys a lot, the rest, not so much. Had these guys not been there for me, preventing me from turning into one of those stereotypical Vivekananda College Boys, I would've been one huge ass! (Bigger than now)
So thank you men, it was an honour bunking classes and eating food at strange hours with you. There are certain things that are unmentionable here that I am thankful for too, you know what I mean.
But frankly, the only good thing about my college was how they let me participate in all those Culturals all through the 3 years. If not for that, I would've stayed in college more and probably been semi-transformed. I've met tons of people at these culturals and they are a good gang of folks who deserve more than just a mention, will write on them laters. The Cherry on my 3 years of labour was Grandslam '09. I still can't figure out how we managed to conduct a small but cash-rich culturals in just 12 days! True Story!! Thanks to every one of those volunteers, fellow organisers and just everybody who were a part of it, you just gave some purpose to the 3 years that I spent in the rotten hell hole.
If I've not killed myself by now, you know it's because of those fellow last benchers. I've received nothing from the college, absolutely nothing. Insipid professors who scold me in front of a packed crowd for not creating a scene, the folks from the other depts who were banging their heads trying to figure out stuff that are beyond their comprehension, those 4 fat guys who spent every single day inside the BBA dept looking at MTV Roadies on the free internet with the HOD sitting next to them asking them to click on the girl's face!
I am definitely going to miss my last bench mates and I'm hoping I can say the same things, if not better, about the next set of people I am going to meet in my life's next chapter. Which may be either a Year at a Mass Communication college outside city or 3 years at Ford.
I raise a toast, to my co-conspirators, for good times gentlemen, good times... You've made these 3 years less of a struggle..
Thursday, 9 April 2009
Untitled..
"Nothing's gonna change my world"
John Lennon
Nothing and nobody's gonna change my world. It's how I will be, how I am going to be and how I always have been. And I'm happy that way. I do Not let many people alter the way I look at things and there shall be no exception. I do Not let people close enough to affect my bubble and I am really happy that way, thank you very much!
John Lennon
Nothing and nobody's gonna change my world. It's how I will be, how I am going to be and how I always have been. And I'm happy that way. I do Not let many people alter the way I look at things and there shall be no exception. I do Not let people close enough to affect my bubble and I am really happy that way, thank you very much!
Sunday, 8 March 2009
Lonely Hearts Club Band..
Loneliness. Man is a Social animal and he is NOT supposed to be alone. Friends make a lot of difference, but there's always this certain gap that only one person can fill. And when it comes to me, I've got a saturation point. There're only some things my friends can give me and who am I to demand more from them? Being friends with them isn't a license to let my whims run riot!
Worst feeling ever? Not being hung by your thumb (though I've never tried that). It is feeling lonely, feeling lonely even when you are surrounded by people who go that extra mile to keep you happy. Feeling lonely, inspite of being amidst those very same people you run to when you have a problem. I guess that's hypocritical too. But right now, modest though I try to be, I am lonely.
Worst feeling ever? Not being hung by your thumb (though I've never tried that). It is feeling lonely, feeling lonely even when you are surrounded by people who go that extra mile to keep you happy. Feeling lonely, inspite of being amidst those very same people you run to when you have a problem. I guess that's hypocritical too. But right now, modest though I try to be, I am lonely.
Friday, 27 February 2009
Taake the 25!!
Too many things have happened in this past week.
Anna University's shit excuse for Culturals a.k.a Techofes. No cash/certificates for 3rd places. What crap man? Honestly, why would anyone even bother conducting events if they're gonna be giving just 300 and 150 bucks as cash "prizes"? That doesn't even cover the regn and the food costs there!!
While returning from Rakesh's place with Golti J, we saw this man having a seizure in one of the streets behind Raintree. I helped him while Golti called the ambulance. I've gotta say I was seriously impressed by their service. Exactly 1 minute after he called for the Ambulance, the new 108 service, the Nurse in the Ambulance called him and asked for directions from where they were. I don't know if it was the traffic or if they were just lost, but they took around 9-10 minutes to get to the spot, which is pretty late, especially in case of a seizure patient. Soon as they came, the Nurse whipped out a pair of Rubber Gloves (which, she later responsibly thrashed into the Dust Bin), she checked the man's vitals (The man had stopped seizing and he'd taken a tablet by the time the Ambulance arrived). I've seen enough Medical Sitcoms to know what they were saying. The man's state sounded normal to me and It was backed up by the Doctor who the Nurse talked to. But what really caught my eyes was the Ambulance as such. It was very well equipped. It had enough room to hold 3 patients and the Nurse had Digital Equipments for checking BP and Pulse. Not that ancient pumping thing which would fart afterwards. If there's something Yellow Shawl's govt has done this time, apart from the usual flyovers drama, it's Gotta be this service. Unbelievably smooth!!
You can never ever find me cribbing about someone or bullshitting about someone. But this time it's beyond me. Such a thing hasn't been organised in my coll since its inauguration. 60 yrs, we've never had an inter dept cults. Now the BBA Dept idiots hold such a huge thing. They dont even tell me that its happening!! I'm my dept's cul sec for crying out loud!! Leave me. The whole coll has no idea that they've been working on such a thing. Except for the management and the bba hod, who is one whole other story. My hod says this as a matter of fact thing. I knew about it only when they called me to moderate jam!! If not for that, I would've been shocked on that day. Like come on, If they'd said one word to me, I would've made sure my dept was roped in and we could've made it a heck a lot bigger. They just want all the glory to themselves. I'm totally flabbergasted and they're just going way beyond any line.
Post-Dinner whining sessions Rock!! Especially if you are whining to a girl who can relate to it! Thank you Rishma :)
My College has been conducting Department sports this past week. Cricket got over today and Badminton starts on Monday. I was never a good cricketer and I can never become one. I'm decent, I'm this run of the mill guy playing street cricket once in a while to keep his body in shape. I was not picked for the first match, fine by me, the team's got 15 ppl and someone has to sit and cheer the boys. We won the 1st match comfortably. The 2nd match was yesterday and I was picked in the 11. I didn't get a chance to bat though. When it was our turn to field, I was fielding in the deep, usually where I field even in street cricket. 1 run out, 1 catch in the covers and 1 dropped catch at Mid On later, we won the match. I have to tell you that I was utterly dismayed when the captain didn't pick me today. Everybody drops catches. Even the captain missed an easy run out. The run out I assisted in was at a crucial time and the catch that I took shaped the whole over in which they lost 3 wickets. I was sure I'd be picked. And after looking at the way my replacement was used, I was sure the Captain had lost his mind. He'd picked the other guy because he can bowl better than me. But he crapped on field today, misfielded many times and he wasn't even given an over. Shit happens!! C'est La Vie!
Anyways, I don't know why, But I guess I've been whining overtly for a long time now. I miss people. People who I kept close and who've betrayed me by their actions. No more whining for now.
Anna University's shit excuse for Culturals a.k.a Techofes. No cash/certificates for 3rd places. What crap man? Honestly, why would anyone even bother conducting events if they're gonna be giving just 300 and 150 bucks as cash "prizes"? That doesn't even cover the regn and the food costs there!!
While returning from Rakesh's place with Golti J, we saw this man having a seizure in one of the streets behind Raintree. I helped him while Golti called the ambulance. I've gotta say I was seriously impressed by their service. Exactly 1 minute after he called for the Ambulance, the new 108 service, the Nurse in the Ambulance called him and asked for directions from where they were. I don't know if it was the traffic or if they were just lost, but they took around 9-10 minutes to get to the spot, which is pretty late, especially in case of a seizure patient. Soon as they came, the Nurse whipped out a pair of Rubber Gloves (which, she later responsibly thrashed into the Dust Bin), she checked the man's vitals (The man had stopped seizing and he'd taken a tablet by the time the Ambulance arrived). I've seen enough Medical Sitcoms to know what they were saying. The man's state sounded normal to me and It was backed up by the Doctor who the Nurse talked to. But what really caught my eyes was the Ambulance as such. It was very well equipped. It had enough room to hold 3 patients and the Nurse had Digital Equipments for checking BP and Pulse. Not that ancient pumping thing which would fart afterwards. If there's something Yellow Shawl's govt has done this time, apart from the usual flyovers drama, it's Gotta be this service. Unbelievably smooth!!
You can never ever find me cribbing about someone or bullshitting about someone. But this time it's beyond me. Such a thing hasn't been organised in my coll since its inauguration. 60 yrs, we've never had an inter dept cults. Now the BBA Dept idiots hold such a huge thing. They dont even tell me that its happening!! I'm my dept's cul sec for crying out loud!! Leave me. The whole coll has no idea that they've been working on such a thing. Except for the management and the bba hod, who is one whole other story. My hod says this as a matter of fact thing. I knew about it only when they called me to moderate jam!! If not for that, I would've been shocked on that day. Like come on, If they'd said one word to me, I would've made sure my dept was roped in and we could've made it a heck a lot bigger. They just want all the glory to themselves. I'm totally flabbergasted and they're just going way beyond any line.
Post-Dinner whining sessions Rock!! Especially if you are whining to a girl who can relate to it! Thank you Rishma :)
My College has been conducting Department sports this past week. Cricket got over today and Badminton starts on Monday. I was never a good cricketer and I can never become one. I'm decent, I'm this run of the mill guy playing street cricket once in a while to keep his body in shape. I was not picked for the first match, fine by me, the team's got 15 ppl and someone has to sit and cheer the boys. We won the 1st match comfortably. The 2nd match was yesterday and I was picked in the 11. I didn't get a chance to bat though. When it was our turn to field, I was fielding in the deep, usually where I field even in street cricket. 1 run out, 1 catch in the covers and 1 dropped catch at Mid On later, we won the match. I have to tell you that I was utterly dismayed when the captain didn't pick me today. Everybody drops catches. Even the captain missed an easy run out. The run out I assisted in was at a crucial time and the catch that I took shaped the whole over in which they lost 3 wickets. I was sure I'd be picked. And after looking at the way my replacement was used, I was sure the Captain had lost his mind. He'd picked the other guy because he can bowl better than me. But he crapped on field today, misfielded many times and he wasn't even given an over. Shit happens!! C'est La Vie!
Anyways, I don't know why, But I guess I've been whining overtly for a long time now. I miss people. People who I kept close and who've betrayed me by their actions. No more whining for now.
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